Dear Oscar,

In amongst all of the high drama of your being it must have been possible to be ordinary, just pleasant, open, accessible, passing the time of day in ways that were fruitful, interactive, with consideration. Or were you one of the those people who simply could not see others, was entirely indifferent to the needs of others, and who was simply not able to see the requirements of others because you were too besotted with the requirements of self.

I am sure you felt, for instance, that you were at several times completely in the sway of young Bosie, and constantly acceding to his demands, but I wonder whether you were giving him leeway because you wanted to keep him with you, and so of course were actually being self-serving even when supposedly being aware of someone else. I have noted it very often in human interaction – even my own, I have to admit; that we think we are being kind and supportive to another when in fact our primary consideration is bolstering the self. It is very rare indeed to see or hear of anything that is truly selfless, and I do wonder how possible it is, given that self-preservation is probably one of the primary instincts with which we as a race are blessed. What is more, it all seems so out of fashion nowadays.

The idea that one would sacrifice the self for some greater good or for the good of humanity as a whole, feels like something that might have been at some time or another, but really is not of the modern era. It is the stuff of a fantasy land – of knights in shining armour, or of Jesus on the cross and his host of self flagellants suffering for the good of us all. Does anyone do that sort of thing these days? Did they in your day, Oscar dear? Or is there always some kind of vainglorious association tied in with such pursuits?

You have yourself been cast in such a light; as if the suffering you underwent somehow had to be expected and endured in order to free future generations from the same sort of persecution. But I am afraid to report that it has not yet worked, not on a global scale (remember, Oscar, people on the planet today can still be put to death for homosexual acts in certain states), and is not even entirely achieved in the more liberal states (fingers still point, crimes are still committed, sexual minorities are still vilified even in the most free countries).

I think what I am arguing is that the price was very high for you to pay, and there is still a price attached, and so that notion of expectation and endurance continues; that of course minorities have to be positioned in ways to commit them to some form of suffering, because it is through their suffering that they are most generally known.

I just think it s possible that everything could be a lot simpler and a lot more pleasant; that acceptance could just mean acceptance. If I can have no expectations of others, and can accept them for who they are, whether that wavers, or is constant, whether it is true, or even false, then surely everyone can. I can assure you Oscar, there is nothing special about me.

Your friend,

Algernon B. Duffoure.